All mine

the old ball and chain

Weddings are so much fun! That is unless it is my own. Then, I will be so excited and nervous that I may pass out and when I come to, I will scream get me up! I am gonna puke on my dress! Once I am feeling better I will refuse to go back out because I am too embarrassed and just want to go to the reception and do the fun stuff. Sadly, that is the story of our wedding ceremony.
Back to the weddings are so much fun bit. Everyone is excited, dressed up and drunk. Some as soon as they announce the bride and groom. How clever! Drinking starts and everyone thinks they are the funniest. Sometimes I bet my husband who will be the most entertaining. Some actually are but most are just funny to watch. Swaying, raising glasses and trying to repeat jokes that they read somewhere, messing them up and trying to retell. The incorrect versions always stick with me, probably because they are funnier than the joke itself.
One from this past weekend, from a guy holding a half full beer and raising it as he talked said “Make love to a Trojan.” I am pretty sure that’s not what the commercial said and some other guy with an almost empty glass of something ended up correcting him. The wrong way was definitely more amusing and the party killer guy went on to talk about stocks or some other boring, non-party topic that everyone tried toto block out. At that point, I was just trying not to puke into the pocket of someone’s blazer because we were on a bus.
The reception is where it is at! There is the guy who plays a mean air guitar, the girl who should NOT have worn that dress, there are the line dances that the DJ can’t stand because he has to hear them at every event, and the aunts who love to dance to the line dances with their shoes off because they are still young and wild.
At this wedding they had an anniversary dance. That is where everyone married goes onto the dance floor. As the DJ calls out years, couples married less go sit down. After they called 10 years, we looked around and realized we were the youngest couple by about 20 years.
Hopefully, when I get to the ‘young and wild’ stage I will still be young and wild. Maybe that’s why we are still married.

Speak Loser, Speak: Questions?!

Support your Local Firemen’s Carnival!

I just passed a carnival and had another memory of my teenage years. It makes me think ‘High School wasn’t that bad!’
We would meet at the Gravitron, where you spun around really fast in the dark, trying not to puke while Metallic and other metal music was blasting. That’s because we were hard core!
Hard core, like piercing ourselves with safety pins and other stupid things teenagers do to revolt again anything and everything all at the same time because society sucks, or maybe it was Government. Anyway we had it all figured out back then.
The carnival meant a full 6 days of very little supervision and as much anarchy as we could get away with.
We would gather behind the post office to hide and smoke. When we were chased away for loitering, everyone would meet again beside the Royal Farm store that later on, one of us ended up working at. It was like a vicious cycle of cat and mouse, except that the cat had a badge and the mice had bad hair and make up.
Every now and then I will see a group of “us” and I try to pick myself out. I wonder who will marry each other, who is gay, who will get a good job and who has no clue what they will do with their life. I am sure that they are just finding themselves and they will all be alright.

I hate people!

Not all people, just the dumb part of the population. I hate when people contradict themselves. It drives me crazy!
Some examples are the person who cut us off to beat us into the church parking lot. Really? Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, even though sometimes you just want to punch them in their stupid face!
When pushing a shopping cart full of groceries and a 2 year old, please do not step inbetween me and the two other children that are right behind me, but be so into your phone conversation that you walk slower, forcing them to be separated from me. I have to admit I wouldn’t be too upset if you were run over in the parking lot because you are an oblivious idiot!
People who decide not to read piss me off! When the sign says enter, you enter! Seems easy enough. When the arrow points to the left, you don’t go right OR straight! When the lane says merge… you merge! It isn’t rocket science.
Oh, and thanks a lot for putting my fluffy loaf of bread in the same bag with the frozen pizzas!
Did I mention I hate stupid people?

totally NOT a stalker

I may tell them that in jail. Just kidding.
When I was sixteen I worked hanging flyers for the local Pizza Hut and for 6 weeks I put payments on a Peavey bass that I had to have! When I showed up the last time being almost able to take it home, I was pleasantly surprised to find out my boyfriend at the time had paid it off. That was one of the only nice things he did besides NOT give me an STD.
I was so excited to get it home then realized I couldn’t fit it in my car so I had to put the convertible top down. Thankfully, it was only a frozen 20 minute ride.
Switching from guitar to bass was much easier than I had thought and soon I was in a band called Project Gizmo. They loved me at first, until some drugged out late 20-something came in playing a guitar upside down. He was not good by any means but they were impressed so someone’s parents bought so-in-so a bass and I was out. They all agreed that the most you could have in a punk rock band was four people. They also agree that if they made any money the cut would be too small with five.
Then, I was in a band called Fast Eddie, named after the local homeless guy. Same thing, they loved me but I was the only girl, so I got replaced.
After many handfuls of jam sessions and not being cool enough I decided to start a band in my kitchen. By that time I had moved out. The house was an old 2 car garage built in the 60’s and converted into a tiny four room house.
A friend of a friend and someone she worked with got together for months as we learned, practiced, wrote and bonded. It was fun! Being all girls made it easier to get gigs at some places and harder at others. Our drummer couldn’t keep up and may have been channeling Depeche Mode the entire time. We put out an ad and got Matt. For the most part we were still considered a ‘chick band’ and Matt didn’t mind because he got to play. He was less dramatic which was a plus. We played in Seaford, DE, Salisbury, Chester and Baltimore. I wonder what Hal is doing and if he still has his shitty little bar. Back then if it rained you had to cross a stream of toxic smelling water, in a narrow cement stairwell to carry your equipment in. His PA sucked so we brought our own one night. He didn’t like being showed up. It turned into a pissing match but we were starting to play bigger venues like the Thunderdome.
It was a great ride! I miss playing guitar all the time, having my notebook with me just in case I became inspired.
For now I am watching my kids grow up and I go out to shows as often as possible. I live vicariously through them, thinking one day maybe I can open for these amazingly talented people! That is unless I get a restraining order first.

Hunger Games

tomyhusband:

I would totally kill you last.

Love it!