All mine

This is my place to be honest, to be the real me, to have anonymity. A place to drink too much coffee or wine depending on the time of day. This is my outlet. It is mine and unlike everything else in my life, it doesn't have to be perfect, but it's mine.
You have started to sit with me at lunch. You walk me to my door afterwards. You care. You may have a tough exterior but I knew there was something more. We share the same taste in music. We are both in cruddy relationships and truly care about our kids. 
We walked to the beach after work. We walked and we talked. I am trying to find faults in you but even the things you say, I don’t know if they are true or not because I have not seen them with my own eyes. If they are truly faults then that is why I am attracted to you. I should probably start running right now but I can’t. 
People come in and out of our lives all of the time. There are reasons for those people. I feel that if something comes of this or not that I would still care about you and want good things for you. Maybe that makes me naive. I think it makes me hopeful.
Better things are yet to come. Along with phallic looking cookies. I’be been drinking and you are welcome.

You have started to sit with me at lunch. You walk me to my door afterwards. You care. You may have a tough exterior but I knew there was something more. We share the same taste in music. We are both in cruddy relationships and truly care about our kids.
We walked to the beach after work. We walked and we talked. I am trying to find faults in you but even the things you say, I don’t know if they are true or not because I have not seen them with my own eyes. If they are truly faults then that is why I am attracted to you. I should probably start running right now but I can’t.
People come in and out of our lives all of the time. There are reasons for those people. I feel that if something comes of this or not that I would still care about you and want good things for you. Maybe that makes me naive. I think it makes me hopeful.
Better things are yet to come. Along with phallic looking cookies. I’be been drinking and you are welcome.

Vampires with red hair

Today I shook your hand. You asked my name, even though I am pretty sure you already knew. Your grip was strong enough to have broken my fingers. Your hands were really cold but surprisingly soft. As we talked you told me you don’t sleep well at night.
The more I learn about you, the more it backs up my vampire theory.

Love never fails

There is a quote in the Bible that says love never fails. I know for a fact that loves fails. Love is the devil. It makes you do crazy things. Love can hurt with deafening blows. Don’t trust it.
When love fails it just doesn’t work anymore. It just runs out. You can remember when it was there but you can’t find it anymore.
Love can definitely fail. Love can be one sided. Love cannot be half hearted. It is all or nothing. Love is like a lion. It will attack you when you are not expecting it. It will tear you up and leave you to die.
Love is cruel.

The hunter and the hunted

When I heard your name I knew your parents were not expecting you to be an accountant. They wanted you to be awesome.
I thought I was kind of tall but next to you I feel so small. You don’t look as tall when you are sitting down. Your hair has gotten longer and your brown eyes sparkle in the sunlight.
Everyday I walk by you and every day you give me a little nod as if to say what’s up? I give a half smile back and keep walking because I want to be cool too. I can feel your eyes watching me as I go into the building.
Yesterday I went to where you sit at lunch. I told you that Facebook asked us to be friends so I wanted to introduce myself. To my surprise you already new my name and my band name from 10 years ago. You remembered things about me but I could not remember much about you. This bothered me.
Today you walked by my department. I saw you out of the corner of my eye. You were looking at me. I wondered where you were going so I watched the other doorway. As you walked by our eyes met. Your eyes were piercing. It was as if you were a lion on the prowl and I was the elk. Your gaze sunk into me. You were not trying to hide your hunter instinct when you walked back the other way.
On break I asked if you were going out for happy hour on Friday. You weren’t sure.
After work you were waiting for me outside. You said you would see me on Friday and I believe you hit on me. I am not sure if it was a pick up line or a threat.
What would a crazy, modded guy like you want in a semi-plain jane girl like me?
I know that we could meet in a random room in the warehouse and tear each other apart but then the tension wouldn’t be there anymore. I worry that someone would find out and let’s face it we will be working together for the next 25 years if all goes right. Let’s keep the tension.

If my fingers could speak

From the day I met you I was mesmerized. Your crazy reddish hair and your intense brown eyes. I had never met anyone like you. It was like I could feel your energy and you could possibly feel my awkwardness. You would look at me as if to say something but I could not read your mind. I tried to talk to you but my words came out fast and when you turned to look at me I quickly looked away. I did not want you to see me blushing. That was the first time I saw you smile. Your teeth resemble mine. I wanted to ask if we could eat lunch together but I froze. I didn’t want everyone else listening. I am sure they would have picked up on my nervousness.
I imagine kissing you, only as soon as our lips are about to meet my brain cannot go any further. So I try over and over again to no avail. I cannot wait for the weekend to be over so I can see you again. I notice that you have started coming into my department every day. I glance up to see who it is and you are always looking at me with those big brown eyes. I am starting to wonder if you are a vampire. You suck all the air out of the room and my heart starts to pound. I have to remember to not lock my knees. I wish I could read your mind or you would just say something.
Even though we had never met, I feel as though we had known each other before. I was born too soon or you were born too late. Or maybe this is all made up in my head.

Meetings

Today I had to sit in a meeting. It was an hour long. Within 30 seconds of sitting down my stomach decided it was going to practice some whale mating calls.
The guy to my right had a whistling nose.We made am awesome pair. Do people not hear their nose whistling?
The guy to my left seemed to be trying to ignore the crazy tub-emptying sounds coming from me and also holding his breath with his hands between his knees as to not accidently touch anyone. We were all sitting much closer to others than we are all clearly comfortable with.
Everyone is excited to not work for an hour until you have to sit in the meeting. Then working seems better. On a side note: insurance is riveting. They can make something seemingly simple and make it confusing on so many levels. I have papers to explain the papers that explain the papers.

Pride

Pride is a weird thing. When you are young you can be proud of yourself. You congratulate others but do not understand the act of being proud of someone else. That type of pride only comes from being a parent.
This past weekend was a pride filled weekend. It was also stressful but we made it through with only one screaming episode, and a couple big bruises. The screaming episode was me at other parents who were so utterly and blatantly rude I could not contain my disdain any longer. The bruises are from motocross, though I secretly wished they were the eyes of a Dad I could have brawled with. That was at a cup stacking tournament.
Sport stacking is the actual term for the art of quickly stacking expensive, brightly colored plastic cups. There are clubs and National competitions. There are world records. There are mats, rings, timers, bags and stems. Our school team has a logo and shirts. Child #2 and Child #3 are now competitive sport stackers. Child #2 went before the Judge and beat her own time on the cycle by 3 seconds. I thought she might get nervous and fumble but she did great. Child #3 had only gotten his cups in the mail 2 weeks prior. He refused to stack with his sister’s hot pink cups. He did doubles with another 4 year old, the parent/child doubles, and everything else but the relay. They did not win anything or break any world records but they went, did their best, and were polite the entire day. They followed the rules, beat their own best times and had fun. Child #2 did made it through qualifying but not the finals. It was exciting to see her name on the wall in 7th place. They only take the top 5 but we were still proud. All of the other kids had been stacking for at least 2 years, so making the wall on year 1 was fantastic.
Last season Child #1 started racing motocross. His 1st race was worse than I had imagined. I guess I thought that so many things came so naturally to him, how would this be any different? Well, it was. He was getting lapped, and wasn’t making it a whole lap without falling. His times were roughly 5 minutes each.
The start of this season was quite a bit different. He went out there, was 3rd to the hole shot and finished 8th out of 25 kids. He doesn’t have the latest and greatest bike and he almost takes pride in that. He doesn’t need to have the latest and greatest and he had a great start to the season. The bike doesn’t matter, the dedication matters. The love for the sport matters. Knowing he tried his hardest matters. His lap times were a minute and a half better than last year. He was riding faster, jumping higher, and owning the track more than ever before. Dad must have been proud because he dropped $60 on new goggles. Pride can be expensive.
Pride is happy. Pride is belonging. Pride is self esteem. Pride is awesome to share with your family. This proud mom just asked two kids to get their cups off the dining room table for dinner, and a proud dad is teaching the other how to power wash his own bike.
If you are better today than you were yesterday, you are winning, and you should be proud.

Okay. So I had a whole blog typed up and with one bad swipe of a finger it was gone. Just like that. Magic I tell you! Or wine but I am pretty sure it was magic.I think because my fingers were wet from switching laundry. What else would I do after having a couple glasses of wine. I will tell you what else. Thanking spell check. That’s what. And saying things that are thoughts but that your mouth says. Like how a guy parts looks like a sea anemone floating around when in the bath tub. And then I pretend to have guy parts and swirling them with some fancy hip motions and then back to laundry. And how I wonder what the nib means on the coffee bag where it says cocoa nib.  And that I should probably look on EBay. I feel good stuff being listed. And then I remember why I should only drink with friends. I get into too much trouble on my own. I wish I had a treadmill.

Okay. So I had a whole blog typed up and with one bad swipe of a finger it was gone. Just like that. Magic I tell you! Or wine but I am pretty sure it was magic.I think because my fingers were wet from switching laundry. What else would I do after having a couple glasses of wine. I will tell you what else. Thanking spell check. That’s what. And saying things that are thoughts but that your mouth says. Like how a guy parts looks like a sea anemone floating around when in the bath tub. And then I pretend to have guy parts and swirling them with some fancy hip motions and then back to laundry. And how I wonder what the nib means on the coffee bag where it says cocoa nib.  And that I should probably look on EBay. I feel good stuff being listed. And then I remember why I should only drink with friends. I get into too much trouble on my own. I wish I had a treadmill.

Playing Sims

How to play Sims…
1. Create people. Typically your first people will be the “real you”, though maybe thinner, crazier clothes or something you are to scared to do with your real hair.
2. Build your house. It will only cost $160 for an addition. If you don’t like the carpet it’s just a couple clicks and a couple hundred to change it.
3. Buy a pet. I suggest a dog. The cats tend to meow a lot and it gets annoying if you have the sound on.
4. Create neighbors. These may end up being like your friends. You could even name them after your friends or family but that gets weird if the goal the game gives you is to be romantic with a neighbor and it’s between your father-in-law or your brother. Creating fake friends makes it less weird.
5. You can name them anything you want. One of my guys is Lex Luther because I was running out of rockstars and other names I really liked.
6. Get everyone jobs. They can’t be bums forever. Furniture costs money.
7. Get everyone a hobby. It can be as boring as fishing or as exciting as ghost hunting. Though in Sim-land it is all pretty boring to watch.

Reasons Sims are fun…
1. You get to tell everyone what to do and for the most part they do it.
2. Pets do not need vet visits, daily food, and don’t poop. They also find money.
3. Your Sim can Be Romantic with a Sim next door. Some Sims work on different schedules and they don’t seem to mind someone else being romantic or making Woo-Hoo. That is unless it is in front of the TV and they are trying to watch.
4. If your Sim doesn’t have a car or a toilet or whatever you can just go to another house, walk in and use theirs. With a few clicks, that toilet can be moved to your house. And a few more clicks, so can the neighbor.

Then, I forget to play or don’t have time and I go back to people who haven’t bathed, virtual pee puddles everywhere and a dirty pool.